Juicing. The Only Thing It Will Cleanse is Your Wallet.

First off, before you get your crystals and sage in a bunch, I believe juicing has a potential to offer some benefits and is a huge source of vitamins and minerals. However, that may not be what you need, it may have potential negative effects and if you buy it pre-juiced, you’re paying way too much and it’s already essentially going, or has gone, bad.

The issue with us incredible humans is that, in today’s world, we cannot get it out of our big, smart heads that if something is good, then a fuck-ton of it is better. That is 100% the case with juicing. Yes, fruits and vegetables are great, yes there are a lot of nutrients in a juice, and yes you can find juices that are less sugary (probably the ones most avoid, however). But is it worth spending $10 -12 per bottle on something you don’t even know you really need or that could be potentially bad for you?

First, consider the fact of how quickly fruit and veggies oxidate, if you cut an apple and put it in the fridge for 5 minutes it’s already beginning to brown. Most of the juices you buy from local ‘Juiceries’ are at least a few hours old (usually more). So, if you are going to drink them, I’d highly recommend buying them early or even better, making them fresh at home yourself. Plus, you’d save about 90% of the cost that way.

Next, if you’re doing a juice cleanse for weight loss or to “Detox/Cleanse”, you’ve made a very, very poor investment (literally, it’s an investment). Any weight lost during this period is typically water, carb stores and intestinal bulk, all of which come back in your first meal or two. If you’re doing it to detox, I’ve talked about this before, but the body just needs to be treated right and it will detox fine on its own. If your body is already having issues processing, eliminating or detoxing on its own, juicing isn’t going to change that and will probably make certain issues worse, or even make your body more toxic. Most of the detox programs (which are like $200 for 3 days) are rich in sugary fruits with all the fiber removed so the processing is a lot harder on and more unnatural for the body. Vegetables like beets and celery are used at high volumes, which are both high in nitrates.

These are the types of things that are the issues with juicing. We were never designed to eat that much fruit and vegetables at once, let alone without the need to chew which initiates digestive processes (enzymes and hydrochloric acid) to aid in proper absorption. Plants have low level evolutionary, built-in antinutrient/protective mechanisms that can cause some fucked up issues when consumed in large quantities. These low level toxins can actually be great for us… at low, normal levels. Next, we have the vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals that are great for us at normal levels. These can also potentially cause some serious issues to the brain, kidney, liver, intestines, and so on when were crushing volumes of processed juice.

To reiterate, I don’t think juicing is terrible. I just don’t think it’s necessary and potentially can cause some issues with people who use it for detoxing or who live off it as a justification to their eating disorder.

And before anyone says it, I know a lot of people live off fruit, veggies and juice and are “ViBrAnT aNd ThRiViNg”, but we’ll see how long those fruitarian fucks live… Seeing how they already look like they could be actors on the Walking Dead without the need for makeup. But, for some reason today, we commonly equate emaciation to health.

In the end, if you enjoy the occasional juice, then drink one, I do. Just prefer the less sugary ones if it’s a regular thing. Or it’s totally fine to treat yourself to one of the more sugary ones if you like the way they taste and you have some general level of self control in your life. Just don’t allow BIG JUICE to sell you on the MLM that is the cleanse or detox, it’s over-priced and doesn’t work.

If you want to detox then eat real food most of the time, in a slight deficit, then take meat out or fast one day a week and eat less processed shit and hyperpalatable foods, quarterly fast for 72 hours. Get some sleep and drink some water, you need it.